Actually more like a jab or a front-kick.  It was surreal real.  Momma has been feeling you kick and punch for a few weeks now, but it was my first experience.  Holy shnikes little baby, ain’t nobody stoppin this train.  BTW, we moved in to a new apartment this week, our growing family demands it!

Little baby, whenever I tell someone that your gonna see light in August, I usually get:  “Congratulations!” and “Get as much sleep as you can now!”   or  “Wow, awesome” and “It’s really hard though..”  Fair enough, it’s not going to be a cakewalk.  You’re going to be frustrating at times, diapers will not change themselves and your poo will only get smellier.   But I don’t think about the struggles when I think of you, little baby.  I think that after wandering so many years to find the right woman I found your momma and that you will be an extension of our relationship:  frustrating, with stinky poo at times, but also something that bring me so much joy and peace and happiness and inspiration.

Little baby, I see you growing in your momma’s belly everyday.  I think of you and when you will be in my space and it excites me, fills me with pride.  Iknow my life is going to change drastically.    But it also did when I moved from Miami to San Francisco and so far, that has been the best thing I ever did.  I already love you in a way that you will never understand until you have a child of your own one day.  But for now, I can’t wait to see you and kiss you from head to toe.

Two weeks ago i got my first ultrasound.  It was incredible. Until that point it all seemed…theoretical.   Now it is just real.  There is really a person growing inside me.  I see its head and “rump”  and is now the size of a peach.  We heard the heartbeat and it’s strong, like a washing machine on a heavy cycle.  It wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences, but that was my fault.  Being new to all of this i seem to take things way too literally, never really being sure what exactly is expected.  I was told my bladder needed to be full.  So a drank A LOT of water.   I wanted to be sure they could see everything.  The problem is, like usual, these office always run behind.  So by the time the ultrasound came around i was in great need of emptying my bladder.  However, i couldn’t.  So then the they take the ultrasound wand and push on your belly.  I thought i would pee all over the floor.  Luckily i have good bladder control.  Who knew?  Long story short.: I will take it easy on the fluids for the next time, so i can enjoy what i am seeing instead of needing it to be over.

“Ok, honey, let’s make a baby!”

Fast forward two weeks…

“Welcome home, I think I’m pregnant!”

“Woo hoo”, sob, sob, “Wooo Hooo”

I like to consider myself efficient but this is ridiculous.

On Sunday, December 7th i woke up feeling…suspicious.  I’ve known me for quite some time and something was off.  I had gone off the pill in September and Jose and I decided to “try for real” in mid November.  I am coming up on 38 and had  heard horror stories.  So it was time to start trying.

Jose went off to play a softball game-a long double header.  After he was gone I made breakfast, messed around on the interwebs and took a deep breathe and a pregnancy test.  These things have come a long way.  No longer are you subjected to faint lines and uncertainty about the process.  I peed in a cup, dipped the stick and waited the three minutes.  I didn’t have to look at it.  I knew i was pregnant. For the sake of due diligence, i did look at, or rather i heard it screaming PREGNANT.  No confusion, no faintness PREGNANT.

Jose is at a double header and obviously i wanted to tell him first.  Fucking softball.  I paced the apartment for about 30 minutes, trying not to hyperventilate…breathe, it’s what you want.  It’s what he wants.  AHHHHH..is it?

Of course it is.  I promptly sat down and started to calm myself, systematic breathing….then i spoke to my baby.  Told my baby how happy I was and how wanted they already are.

How to tell Jose? It’s like any first time….you want it to be perfect.  I looked up ideas, thought maybe i would wait until i came up with something perfect.  For the next couple of hours i thought about it, talked to myself and looked out the window for Jose.  When he finally arrived we exchanged niceities and then i said “i have an eventful morning…I’m pregnant”.  His arms went up in a sign of victory.  Hugs hugs and a bit of i told you so

Incredulous gazes all day.